Ward versus Ward
by snarkysweetness
Summary: In which Alice Ward questions her paternity and get VERY angry at the suggestion that her daddy loves mommy more than she does and Grant Ward has to explain how babies are made.


**Title:** Ward versus Ward  
 **Author:** snarkysweetness  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Pairing:** Skyeward with Alice Ward  
 **Summary:** In which Alice Ward questions her paternity and get VERY angry at the suggestion that her daddy loves mommy more than she does and Grant Ward has to explain how babies are made.  
 **Warnings:** None.  
 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
 **Author's Notes:** Mama is here to make this sad day better.

Grant Ward. Trained killer. Super spy. IQ of 123. Abuse survivor. All around badass. Yet here he was, staring down at a four-foot-tall toddler, traumatized.

"What did you just say to me?"

"How do I know you're really my daddy?"

The color drained from his face and Grant knew he should be furious that a four-year-old was questioning her paternity but honestly? He was heartbroken.

"Why would you ask that?"

This was it…Skye was finally leaving him wasn't she? She'd realized she could do better and she was taking Alice with her. He'd always feared this day would happen.

"Because daddy, I was inside mommy's tummy and she gave birth to me so I know for sure she's my mommy," Alice answered innocently, batting her adorable brown eyes at him. "So how do I know you're really my daddy?"

Grant laughed in relief and scooped her up and placed her on his knee. "Sweetheart, because your mommy and I love each other very much and we made you, who we love very much."

Alice wrinkled her nose, looking just like her mother. "Just because you love mommy doesn't mean you're my daddy. I know that's not how it works."

"Oh? How what works?"

"Making a baby! Duh!"

Panic began to stir. This was not a conversation he was ready to have. Maybe when she was thirty and ready for sex. But now? No way.

"Honey, you're a little too young to be thinking about how babies are made."

She crossed her arms with a pout. "Am not, daddy! I know Auntie Jemma and Uncle Fitz made a baby together! Because when she talks to her belly she tells the baby she knows she's her daddy's because she's grumpy like him! And daddy, I love you, but I look like my mommy and I don't think there's anything I have that's like you."

Grant did his best not to smile and took her tiny hand. "Well, that's because you are very lucky. See, your mommy is perfect, sweetheart. So you being exactly like her means you're perfect too. If you'd gotten anything from daddy you wouldn't be."

She seemed to think on this for a moment before reaching up to grab his face and kiss him. "But daddy! You're perfect to me!"

He smiled and kissed her nose. "Not as perfect as mommy."

"No one's as perfect as mommy!"

He laughed and hugged her tight. "You are."

"Okay," she agreed, jumping off his lap. She raced out of the room and returned with a framed picture of Skye pregnant with her. "Now, please tell me how I know you put me in there."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd beaten death hundreds of times and helped save the world but this was impossible.

"Alice…" he sighed and patted her head on his way out of the room.

"Do not walk away from me, mister!" She yelled, following at his heels.

"I am not, princess. Hold on," he said, lifting her up and sitting her on the counter. He held up a finger before she could yell some more. He wasn't sure where she'd gotten that demanding attitude but boy, he hoped it was a phase.

He dug out a few items and placed them all on the counter and motioned for her to pay attention. "All right sweetheart, this is your mommy," he said, holding up a carton of ice cream before scooping out a few balls and putting them into the blender. "And this, is daddy." He held up the milk and added it to the blender. "Now, watch." He began blending them together until they were a perfect milkshake and added them to a glass. "Mommy and daddy made you but mommy made sure you grew to be strong until you were ready to be born," he offered while topping the milkshake and putting a cherry on top. "See, daddy helped, but mommy did the hard work. And she's the best part. And now we have you.

But what I need you to understand is that isn't what makes a mommy and daddy. Because some mommies and daddies don't make their own babies. Sometimes, they find one who needs a good home and they become a mommy and daddy by loving them. And sometimes, parents who make babies don't love them. You're lucky because mommy and daddy love you more than anything."

Alice narrowed her eyes on him, disbelieving. "That still doesn't prove you were the milk, daddy. What if you just love me?"

Grant shook his head and helped her to the table with her milkshake. "I guess you just have to take my word for it, baby girl. But let me tell you something; if anyone else had tried to be the milk daddy would have steamed them because I love your mommy the most."

Alice banged her hands on the table angrily and stared at him, offended.

"YOU DO NOT LOVE MOMMY THE MOSTEST! I LOVE MOMMY THE MOSTEST! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE DADDY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN THINK YOU LOVE HER MORE THAN ME!"

Ten minutes later, they were still arguing over who loved Skye the most, when she appeared, an amused but confused look on her face.

"Grant Douglas Ward, are you arguing with a child?"

He glanced up at her, amused, and nodded while Alice rushed over and climbed into Skye's arms.

"Daddy thinks he loves you more, mommy! Tell him he's a liar!"

Skye blinked quickly and pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh.

"Daddy isn't a liar baby. He loves mommy. And you love mommy. And you both love me in different ways but you both love me the same amount. It's not a contest."

Alice crossed her arms angrily and stared at her daddy with her death glare, as if she'd just won. "Tell _him_ that!"

Skye kissed the top of her head and set her down. "Angel, you'd better leave me to deal with him," she said seriously.

Pleased with herself, Alice grabbed her milkshake and stared up at her daddy, standing her ground. "Daddy, I love you very much. But you're very wrong. And I will be waiting for your apology."

She strutted out of the room and as soon as she was gone both of her parents fell to the floor laughing.

"I don't even want to know what that was about," Skye said through tears, crawling over to her husband to kiss him hello.

"Oh, I was trying to distract her."

"From?"

He shook his head, not wanting to stir that up again. "You don't want to know…but if she grows up thinking sperm is milk that may be my fault."

Skye reached for the ice cream carton and stared back at him incredulously.

"I wasn't going to tell her how babies are really made," he offered lamely which seemed to be enough for her.

Skye rejoined him on the floor with a spoon and began eating ice cream, sharing with him every so often. "So…why milk?" She asked after a few minutes and he buried his face in her neck, humiliated.

"So, it started because your child accused me of not being her father," he began. By the time he finished, Skye was holding her side from laughing so hard and the ice cream was gone.

"What? Did you want me to tell her we had lots of unprotected sex and I knocked you up?"

Skye took his face in her hands and kissed him, still laughing. "No, you're very cute with your milkshake analogy," she teased, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him again. "The next time we have sex, if I burst out laughing it's only because I'm picturing you coming milk."

"Shut up," Grant growled, kissing her again. He'd make it so good she wouldn't dare laugh. Hell, he'd do it go good he'd get her pregnant again. Who would be laughing then?

"Mommy, what's sex?"

Skye and Grant broke apart and stared up at their child in horror.

There would be no laughing tonight.

"It's your turn," Grant whispered, hiding behind his wife.

Super spy or not, there were some things he wasn't brave enough to handle and discussing sex with his daughter was one of them.


End file.
